Over the years I've lost basically all of my friends. Having to cancel constantly, people get tired of it even though they say different. I've only done things with my kids and have had to disappoint them so many times I can't count. It's terrible to sit at an event and feel so awful that you make others feel uncomfortable and you ruin their time so it's not even worth trying. I may look like I'm okay on the outside but in the inside I'm struggling with pain and fatigue so bad that my eyes roll in the back of my head, fogginess to where I sound like an idiot when I speak because it's impossible to stay on topic. It got so bad that I hated it when someone would even want to come over for a visit. All I wanted to do was to be left alone and sleep. I hated always having to explain why I had to pass but I didn't want others to think it was because I didn't want to.

I tried to let everyone know that happens. I'm not making plans much anymore though. I seem to cancel almost everything. I'm not giving up yet though. I think I need to make plans with the disclaimer that if I don't feel well I'll just have to cancel. We gotta love ourselves though and know we're doing our best. I've noticed that if I doubt myself in front of others, that makes them doubt me more. Do what you can, and don't beat yourself up over it.

I try to avoid making plans because of my chronic pain and flared. Most of my friends and family try and make me feel better by saying " we are having a dinner or party, if you show up we know you are coming and feel ok. If we don't see you we know you are not well and will visit the next day." It helps to communicate with friends and family and have them understand your sickness, it makes it easier on your mental state and it doesn't make you feel bad. You don't feel left out or upset that you missed a family function. One Christmas my husband and I could not go to the family dinner, so my sister dropped off our dinner before they started eating and we Skyped and was part of the conversation. If you want to be included bad enough and not miss anything, you have to be creative so you can still attend an event , without attending.

@A MyChronicPainTeam Member Don't give up. I have found through the course of my life that it isn't just illness or disagreements that cause friends to drift away. When I graduated high school and college and grad school I had friends, but over the months that followed each graduation we all drifted away to live next phase of our lives. When my husband and I married, when we had children, and when he died I had friends and his family. I don't hear from any of them now. When I retired and moved from my home to take care of my mom, I had friends. Now I don't have those people in my life any more. My mom knew everyone and had lots of friends, and they are my friends now. Most of them either go to church with me, belong to the same organizations, or volunteer. I think you have to reach out for new friends when your old ones lose interest because you can't participate in all the things you used to do. Friendship doesn't have to involve going places with people. It can involve phone conversations, online relationships, and associating with people who are in the same position as you. Those of us who can't always do things we planned because of chronic pain will understand why we sometimes have to cancel plans on short notice. I make no apologies for my physical limitations--if I can take part I do, and if I can't I just say so. As one of my good friends often says, "It is what it is."

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A MyChron...

I agree and I staryed doing that but I noticed I was getting less and less invites and now I get none. You really find out who really is your friend once you become ill.