I understand you completely. I am very lucky that my husband does what I can't do even though he is still working full-time and erratic shift work which takes him away from home sometimes for 2 days & nights (and I know others have to put up with absent partners more than this) but he will leave me a meal. When I do clean I pace myself and what used to take me 2 weeks to go through the whole house now takes me 2 years or it just doesn't get done unless my husband does it. I don't like it that way and feel useless at times, but we can only do what we can manage. I look ok even though I am 71 (yrs young) so I know for sure a couple of people who I don't really count as friends, but live in a small town so am trying to be nice, think I am lazy. They are both also bossy. I would never boss anyone about like that! One I haven't spoken to in months she was so rude at my husbands party, standing next to me at the sink telling me I needed to do the dishes. Well she could have done them if she wanted. We use the dishwasher most of the time (she wouldn't have one). We also use the clothes dryer probably more than some people, but there is only the 2 of us and I hate to leave everything to my husband when he has been working so I do the washing when I can & put it in the dryer. I wash dishes & rinse them if they can't go in the dishwasher, but these days anything we buy has to be dishwasher friendly. If things need to be done & my husband can see that he does it. I have one daughter who is the same, she will visit and she will do what needs to be done like dusting. She always asks what she can do. My other daughter will always take me to appointments if she isn't working or things like that. She also work odd shifts. I've given up saying if people want to visit they have to take my home as it is as, I don't think we should have to be apologising for something we can't help, but that is just my opinion. I have a couple of friends who also struggle and most say we come to see you not your home. I like things neat, clean & tidy, but I have learnt to now worry about it too much.

There are days when I have to force myself to get off my backside and do things. I often set a timer for 30 minutes at a time. I make myself do housework for that 30 minutes. Then I can do something sitting down for 30 minutes. Somehow it is a little more bearable when you know there is a rest time coming. I am getting rid of my heavy vacuum cleaner and will buy a light weight one. I'm purchasing light weight microfiber mops and they help with my back pain. Microfiber dusters are another good thing--one with a long handle and one with a short handle. It also helps to get rid of any clutter you may have so there is less that has to be moved and put away. Finally, there are times when I just can't keep house according to my former standards, and I am learning to forgive myself and not get stressed out about it.

I am blessed to be able to hire my college age granddaughter two times a month to do what we can't. My husband does some daily and I do laundry and dishwasher.

After years of chronic pain it still upsets me. My house was always clean & tidy now `i have to try & shut off from it all. My garden is also very overgrown & that is so disheartening as I created this garden from scratch. Every now & again I have to bite the bullet & pay someone to cut it all back but the costs just so much that can only afford 1-2 days per year. When I'm having a better day I try to do what I can. Need a cleaner but can't afford it. We just have to find ways of distracting ourselves, crafting is something that I find helpful. Good luck with distracting yourselves @A MyChronicPainTeam Member & @A MyChronicPainTeam Member x

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I kill myself before anyone comes to visit but let it go until then, thank GOD no one lives close enough to visit often.