I am there,
Been there for 17 years.
I however believe there is something much larger than us.
50 Billion years of Evolution can't end with us.
So I keep myself going because of a Ethos that I live by.
I Know that Living is much harder than death.
I am not going to submit to my impulses and throw in the towel.
It is a constant struggle though.
Pain can cause Quality of life to drop in an instant.
We can't choose the path of least resistance.
Keep fighting

Greetings: I have dealt with RA for more than 30 years, at times my thoughts were suicidal as well. I have finally found some relief and feeling better than I have for many years. First, I recommend finding a good pain specialist and if you are on opiods to get off them as they contribute to your pain. I was on opiods for years and hated it but did not know of any other means of controlling the pain. I take a medication called Buprenorphine and that coupled with a bunch of other therapies finally can deal with the pain I have. I have come a long way. I just went through a rheumatoid flare that lasted a week. Not one inch of my body wasnt on fire. I had been given Prednisone, high doses tapering off. While I was on that I didnt need any pain meds. Wish I could have stayed on those high doses of steroids but you cannot do so. It seems like it reset my body and I now can go some days sans pain meds depending on the weather. So, get an appointment with a pain specialist, it is the only way I know of to get you back to living again.

I am right there with you. I really on opioid pain medicine because that is the ONLY thing that works for me - believe me, I've tried them all. Last week my PM reduced my doses and said the dea had been in and forced them to reduce everyone's doses, that is a lie. So I asked my PCP for a referral to palliative care and they're working on that now. If that doesn't work out, I will apply for PAS (physician assisted suicide). A friend of mine chose this. I am not afraid of death at all, in fact, I welcome it. I'm tired of the unrelenting pain that doesn't allow me to do much in life. What kind of life is it, if you can't go anywhere or do anything fun? I support you in your feelings. If you ever want to talk, DM me! Try to have a good day in spite of your genetics (that's what I have too).

I will probably get a lot of shit from this. But try micro dosing MMs . They are nature's cure for pain.
I know how you feel. But we can help others by our experiences. Your Journey has just begun. Now is the time for you to be a teacher. Good luck my friend .

Alternative medicine is what I am taking for chronic pain .I started a month and a half on licquid and oil with next to no thc 3 times a day and a gummy 3 times a day so my body can get use to it. Instead of taking opieds. Pain causes stress and can compermize your nervice system. The cbd dullen the pain and make it tolerable.