Connect with others who understand.

sign up log in
About MyChronicPainTeam

Ten Things to Never Say to a Mother with a Chronic Illness

Posted on March 31, 2017

by MommyIsntFeelingWell

Are you a mother with a chronic illness? If yes, then you understand that our bodies struggle with physical limitations that ebb and flow. If you are struggling with symptoms of a chronic illness, then you are inevitably going to have good days mixed in with bad days. Unfortunately, that is the nature of a chronic illness.

Over the years, I’ve come to the realization that there are MANY things you should never say to someone struggling with a chronic illness, in particular to a sleep deprived, physically exhausted, mentally despairing, frazzled new mother, who is also suffering from the compounding effects of a chronic illness.

Here are a few suggestions for what NOT to say to a mother with a chronic illness:

1. “I am just as tired as you are.”
2. “You don’t look sick!”
3. “You MUST be feeling better because I see you are running around with the kids.”
4. “Have you tried holistic treatment?”
5. “Have you tried going gluten free? Dairy free? What about trying vitamins?”
6. “Why can’t you bring the kids over to see me/us?”
7. This coincides with #6. “Why can’t you do ‘x’ activity with us today – since you did ‘y’ activity with them yesterday!?”
8. “I hope you get well soon.”
9. “You look great!”
10. “Thank goodness it’s not cancer.”


Have you ever been frustrated with something someone said to you about your health and well-being, in relation to your chronic illness? In a perfect world, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone knew the right thing to say to everyone, all the time? What are some things that you would rather hear? Please share them below.



Mommy has Ehlers Danlos
syndrome, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), and was recently diagnosed with chronic fatigue. She strongly focuses on periods of rest and recovery from activities, and active days with her friends and family. When she is not resting or taking care of her family and the home, Mommy dedicates time to volunteering at the local adult and children’s hospitals and blogs about motherhood and chronic illness. She manages the Mommy Isn’t Feeling Well support group on Facebook, where mothers from all over the country support each other on the journey of motherhood and chronic illness. Mommy lives in California with her husband, their two young and very spirited boys, and their Labrador “daughter.” Her blog can be found here.

A MyChronicPainTeam Member said:

I don’t think anyone can understand unless they have pain too.

posted 3 months ago

hug (3)

Recent articles

If you’re living with chronic pain, you’re already aware of the impact the condition can have on...

Chronic Pain Awareness: How To Get Involved

If you’re living with chronic pain, you’re already aware of the impact the condition can have on...
Depending on the underlying cause of your chronic pain (if any cause can be determined),...

Treatments for Chronic Pain

Depending on the underlying cause of your chronic pain (if any cause can be determined),...
In many people, chronic pain is never diagnosed as a disorder on its own. The underlying...

Chronic Pain – The Path to Diagnosis

In many people, chronic pain is never diagnosed as a disorder on its own. The underlying...
Chronic pain comes in many varieties. People with chronic pain often experience other symptoms...

Symptoms of Chronic Pain

Chronic pain comes in many varieties. People with chronic pain often experience other symptoms...
There are several different ways to categorize types of chronic pain. Chronic pain may be...

Types of Chronic Pain

There are several different ways to categorize types of chronic pain. Chronic pain may be...
To determine how you can reduce your medical expenses, MyChronicPainTeam sat down with Susan...

How To Reduce Medical Bills: Top Financial Expert Shares 10 Tips

To determine how you can reduce your medical expenses, MyChronicPainTeam sat down with Susan...
Because the physical impact of chronic pain can be all-consuming, you may be dealing with...

How Chronic Pain Can Affect Your Mental Health

Because the physical impact of chronic pain can be all-consuming, you may be dealing with...
Chronic pain is defined in different ways, but most often it is considered to be pain that lasts...

Chronic Pain – An Overview

Chronic pain is defined in different ways, but most often it is considered to be pain that lasts...
If two people sustain the same type of injury or undergo the same surgery, one may heal normally,...

Causes of Chronic Pain

If two people sustain the same type of injury or undergo the same surgery, one may heal normally,...
Thousands of members of MyChronicPainTeam connect with one another and read each other's stories...

Four Books About Chronic Pain You Should Read

Thousands of members of MyChronicPainTeam connect with one another and read each other's stories...
MyChronicPainTeam My chronic pain Team

Two Ways to Get Started with MyChronicPainTeam

Become a Member

Connect with others who are living with chronic pain. Get members only access to emotional support, advice, treatment insights, and more.

sign up

Become a Subscriber

Get the latest articles about chronic pain sent to your inbox.

Not now, thanks

Privacy policy
MyChronicPainTeam My chronic pain Team

Thank you for signing up.

close