I'm not saying I'm suicidal, but I do wish I could just die rather than live in chronic pain and treatment resistant depression.
Trayjk, thankyou so much for sharing and letting me know that I'm not alone. I feel very bad for both of us. I KNOW exactly how you feel, and the one thing that helps me is if I can take my pain and my understanding of severe depression and help someone else. Before the pandemic, I facilitated two different womens depression groups, just as a peer facilitator. I want to offer you this advice. The way I get around being able to tell my therapist that I'm in so much pain that I don't want to live without her being legally obligated to call an ambulance, police,etc is I always tell her that I'm NOT SUICIDAL,and I have no plan or means to do it even if I did want to do it. It really is the truth. As I wrote, I've had several suicide attempts, and after that last attempt and finding out that I was extremely lucky that I came out with no permanent damage, I havent had any attempts...im just too afraid. This was the attempt where I wound up in the hospital for 5 weeks, the first 3 weeks in the ICU. The doctors told me that I could have come out of the attempt with brain damage, stroke, being confined to a wheelchair, and many different kinds of problems with my organs. I took an overdose of seroquel....I dont remember how many I took but I had HUNDREDS of them. If that attempt didn't end my life, I know now that with pills or razorblades or carbon monoxide, etc, it could be a fate much worse than death. As far as guns or ropes, I guess I'm a wimp, I could never have the guts to do it those ways. Your therapist knows that there is a difference between wanting to die, and having a plan to carry it out. You must never mention the word Suicide unless you really do have the means and a plan, in other words, you really are suicidal. Then of course, mental health workers are obligated to call the proper authorities. So, my therapist knows that when I tell her I'm in extreme pain and don't want to live, that I'm not planning any suicide episodes. It is important for you to be able to tell your therapist how intense your pain is with out fear that she's gonna call the authorities.
I certainly understand the kind of pain you're in because I'm in that same place, but I am working on trying to deal with my situation. I wish I could take yours and my pain away. I can't right now, but it does help me to talk with people who know what severe, treatment resistant depression is along with physical pain. I wish you some relief from your pain today. Is your pain more physical or more mental?
Lorraine, have they tried looking for an autoimmune disease? Eye pain is a symptom. Hoping they find an answer.
I’m the same. I’m so tired of fighting the pain. I would never take my own life. But like most of you, I can’t remember what it is like to feel no pain.
Pattie, many of us feel that way. It's an endless cycle. We miss out on so much but the worst part is just feeling the constant pain we must suffer with. I have been in a bad place in my mind several times through this 21 year ordeal of mine, thinking I'm done, can't do it anymore. By the grace of God I have "resurfaced" and continue on. Unless someone has experienced pain, they have no idea. We understand here. You can reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.
❤️ Marea 🙏✝️
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