I am in the same boat as you are. But, the thought of what that would do to the people who Love Me! I do understand, I've been living with CRPS/RSD some 2000. And, it is not Pretty, it is a constant burning pain that you can not get away from. A Breeze across my legs sends me into Hell, a shower feels like someone is hitting me with a wire brush. But, I couldn't do that to the people I love. My suggestion is that you need to find someone that you can talk to Professionally.
My thoughts are with you and your family and friends.

Cathy, thankyou for your kind words.

Thankyou Cathy. I agree with everything you just wrote. Right now my medication is being changed but medications don't work for me anymore so I dont know why I even use them. I'm looking at ketamine treatments but I have to get off of the benzodiazipene, klonopin before I can begin. Benzos interfere with the anti depression action of ketamine. My friend did ketamine treatments while she was on a pretty substantial dosage of a benzo, Ativan, and the treatments didn't work. I just started going down on the klonopin, and my sleep is being affected. I'm still very depressed, extremely fatigued, and I always feel like I haven't slept even when I sleep 8 or more hours. I'm just getting through day by day. I don't get out of the house much and do pretty much nothing most of theday and night. It's a very difficult time.

I think we forget all we have gone through. We forget the pain that is not normal. We forget the long doctor visits, only to be disappointed. We forget the relationships that go south. We forget (sort of) the times we have been left out by choice or not.

WE LOST OUR LIFE. Grief and exhaustion are normal. As long as it's not constant. But if I was "normal", I would sure have issues if this was my life. So, now it IS my life, and guess what? This takes a toll on us.

We are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm so sorry and wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. I'd clean your house ... which makes any woman feel better! :)

Your feelings are normal. What you decide to do to make it better is your personal decision. I wish you the best!

My son finally got a motorcycle in his 30s. It's gone, but I had to get a picture!

JME, Thankyou for taking the time to respond to me. I appreciate it.